To the Pain

One night, Sir trussed my hands behind me. He created a harness that made moving me around easier…and harder. It is easy to forget how much we depend on arm movement to help balance and move ourselves around.

That night, he used the strap on me. It is still early. I am still learning. He is gentle, but there is still pain.

Here is the thing; I like the pain. It hurts. Oh, it does. Sometimes, I think I cannot stand it. But it’s the pain, the sudden grounding into the here and now, where I can simply react; that is seductive.

That can be a rough one to understand. Better, more experienced people than I have debated it. All I can share is my current understanding, through my own own lens.

I like getting through it. It is something that is real. I like that, for that amount of time, I am the center of Sir’s attention. I know that the effects will last for days. I love that unmistakeable reminder of his care and love for me. The ouch when I sit, the unexpected delight of seeing his mark on my skin–these are reminders.

He says he wants to hurt me, but not harm me.

I have given him permission to do so.

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