I am fairly new to BDSM in practice. I have prepared for it for decades by reading, talking with people active in the community, being a confidante for friends exploring the lifestyle, and more reading.
While some people are content with the trappings of fantasy BDSM, or very restricted BDSM (bedroom only), that is not what interests me.
During our kink.com tour, the guide put the experience into great perspective. She likened BDSM to people who like really spicy foods. They’re eating, they’re sweating and crying, and look like they are having a miserable time–but they are not. Given the choice between spicy or plain, they go for spicy.
I like my sex life spicy.
It is not all easy though. There are some things that give me trouble.
I am disappointed that I cannot stay tied in interesting ways for very long. Right now, my body is not as flexible as it has been. I am looking into yoga and other stretching regimens to help. I love being tied up or restrained.
Clothespins are interesting. They are not as focused as the clamps. I am afraid of clamps. But it feels like a triumph any time I can manage them. And I like *that* feeling.
The actual impact part of impact play…this is a love/cringe thing. I love the clarity of focus that impact play brings. I love how sensitive my body becomes. But it–surprise, surprise–hurts. However, that hurt can be really useful for me. I process emotion through pain. If Sir dishes it out, I am less likely to injure myself in my search for focus.
The cane, that I picked out, scares me. Not as much as it used to, but getting the soles of my feet hit with it is exquisitely painful. Nothing pulls me back into my body as quickly. I am fond of the floggers that Sir has made. I like the combination of sting and thud; the contrast fascinates me.
I am learning and experimenting with ways to experience the pain rather than fight it. Sometimes it works, and that is brilliant. I am proud when I take pain and Sir praises me.
I do not want impact play to stop. It is a challenge that I enjoy.
Practicing BDSM makes conversations about sex and our relationship necessary. It has forced me to think about what works for me, and to share that with Sir.
I love that BDSM isn’t just about intercourse. It is a whole experience that pulls everything together; body and mind. It is such a relief to know that I am pleasing Sir because he has told me exactly what he wants. All I need to bring is enthusiasm and a willingness to try.